Left Behind
by ar-poe
Summary: Morgan gets scared and tries to push Reid away. Established Morgan/Reid relationship, some hurt/comfort, and a bit of angst, I suppose.


**A/N: **Okay, guys, this is one of those CARAZY prompts that I get from my beta, and let me tell ya, this one broke my heart just to think about.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Criminal Minds_. Would be nice, though.

"You're using again, aren't you?"

Spencer lifted his head and looked up at me, his lips parting just a fraction of an inch as my accusation struck his brain.

"No."

I exploded then, that innocent look he plays without even realizing it, throwing me over the edge. My hand grazed over the kitchen counter then, violently swiping away the coffee maker and other appliances in one swift motion. Spencer jumped but stood his ground, placing his hands in his pockets to undoubtedly hide the trembling that always starts in his forearms when he's upset or angry.

I placed a hand to my forehead, closing my eyes, and ran it over my head as I tried to gather my thoughts. "I can't do this." I whispered, calmer now. "I can't do this if you're using."

"You can't... Do what...?" I looked up as Spencer whispered, too, seeing the realization cross his face.

"This, Spencer." I extended my arms towards him as a gesture. "I can't be with you if you're using."

Spencer's mouth snapped shut as I said that, his eyes growing glassy as he listened to the words coming out of my mouth. I was hoping that this would be a good enough incentive for him to stop using, to choose me over the Dilaudid, and the kid was breaking my heart.

"I'm not..." He whispered again, digging his hands deeper into his pockets and I heard the breath catch in his throat.

"You can say whatever you want, Spencer, I know the signs."

He started shaking his head then as he looked down to the floor. I thought for a second that he was going to tell me the truth when he squeezed his eyes shut, so I stood there for a second and waited.

Finally, when he didn't say anything after a couple of minutes, I shook my head as well. "I'll be at Garcia's."

Spencer pressed his lips together and sniffed as he tried to breath in, removing his hands from his pockets and wrapped his arms around his body. As I went to pick up my wallet and keys from the side table, Spencer dropped his arms and walked off into the bedroom we shared, quietly shutting the door behind him.

0-0-0

"What? What's going on?" Garcia was half asleep, but still as bright and bubbly as she was when fully awake. She stood in the entrance of her apartment, dumbfounded at my sudden appearance, and moved aside to let me in.

"Spence and I had a fight. I think he's using again."

"No, no, no." I heard Garcia shuffling back into the apartment as she locked the door behind her, coming to meet me at her sofa. "He wouldn't do that now, he wouldn't risk losing you or the team now that he's clean. What did he say when you asked him about it?"

I sighed and leaned back on the couch, thinking back to tonight and everything that was said, the way Spencer looked. "He said he wasn't using. I told him I couldn't be with him if he was doing drugs, and that's all he said."

I looked up to Penelope then, and despite her bright red and orange pajamas with cupcakes, she looked completely serious. "Derek." She began sternly. "I love you and you're my best friend." She offered, looking at me coolly, obviously a pre-conversation peace offering. "But, it's still somewhat early in your relationship. And let me tell you, I'm sure the two of you aren't the easiest people in the world to live with, am I right? I mean, I can only imagine how your ESPN-filled weekends clash with his office-dwelling and non-stop paperwork..."

I chuckled then as her eyes began to lighten up. "I mean, my hott stud Derek Morgan, all muscles, and brainy and handsome Genius-boy, I mean, can you imagine the babies...?" Penelope's eyes glazed over as she contemplated that last thought, and laughed and winked. "But Derek, do you think that _maybe_, you're trying to push him away?"

I didn't say anything when she finished talking, and in all honesty, that had actually been playing in the back of my mind, but I'm not sure how to act differently.

"It's Spencer Reid we're talkin' about, Derek. Don't let somethin' ruin that. We both know he's not using."

I nodded, more to myself then anything else and looked around Penelope's strangely decorated apartment as a distraction. "I'm stupid."

"That you are, Babycakes." She answered and patted my cheek lovingly. "Now go home to our Genius."

"Sorry to wake you up." I mumbled, slightly offended, and stood up to pull her into a hug which was welcomed by a kiss on the cheek.

0-0-0

When I walked into our apartment, I half expected to see the light on in Spencer's office, but instead, there wasn't a light on in the entire place that I could see. I stepped into the kitchen and found it the same way I had left it, appliances and various kitchen items strewn across the floor, and sighed. Without bothering to clean up, I made my way through the hallway and living room, past Clooney's empty bed, and to the bedroom.

I quietly opened the bedroom door and found Spencer asleep on my side of the bed and on top of the covers, Clooney lying on the bed next to him on his side facing Spencer. Clooney gave a hefty huff when he saw me come in, and I took a couple steps to enter the room, noticing that the night light was on for once. He never turns the night light on when I'm around.

I walked over to the bed and knelt down, looking over his face and the way he was curled up. I can't understand how he ever sleeps comfortably. I paused, unsure of how to wake him up and talk to him.

I looked over his shoulder to Clooney who was watching me with a look that almost said _see, at least I'm here protecting him through the night_.

I laid a hand on his shoulder and lightly shook. "Spence." I whispered

After a few seconds, his eyes fluttered open and focused on me before closing again. "What?"

I was slightly taken aback by his shortness, but he had every damn right to be angry with me. "I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry." He didn't say anything but I noticed his brow twitch as he rearranged his arms around his torso, which for a split second, brought my attention to that part of his body, which was covered in one of my shirts. I smiled to myself and knew for a fact that Spencer's brain was working in overdrive and he was trying so hard not to say anything to me. That's what Spencer does – he talks. He talks and rationalizes his way through everything, but instead, he slightly opened his eyes again to look at me.

"I'm not using."

"I know, babe."

Spencer's forehead creased then in confusion and for a second, I was so disgusted with myself I could barely stand it. I motioned for him to sit up so that I could sit next to him, and placed my hands in my lap as I thought of what to say.

"You know I don't have a very good track record in relationships, Spence." I took in a deep breath and looked around the room and to the stack of books sitting next to the bed – Spencer was waiting up for me. I choked back another disgusted breath.

"I was just... You've been actin' differently since that last case, well, we all have, I guess, but it just scared me. You wouldn't tell me anything that's going on, I was tryin' to push you away." I ran my hands up and down my legs, looking for something to occupy my attention and sooth my nerves.

Spencer continued to look at me as I finished talking, and didn't look away for a few seconds longer. Finally, when he did look away, he just cocked his head and glanced to his right towards the door.

"What are you thinkin' about?" I asked uneasily after a few seconds, unsure if I should ask or wait for him to speak. He was quiet for a second longer and finally looked down to his hands.

"I'm not going to tell you that I don't think about using. Almost every day, I think. Especially after cases." His mouth twitched as it formed into a straight line. "But I never tell anyone because you'll worry. But you know everything about me, Derek, and I don't think I want it any other way; my dad left, and Gideon left, and Elle, and I don't think I deserve for you to treat me that way and push me away." Spencer looked up at me then and I just stared at him, mouth slightly open.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Spence." I said, almost in disbelief, and thought back to my conversation with Penelope and shook my head. "I don't want to ruin this. I want to be with you. I don't know what got into me, I'm sorry."

Spencer nodded and looked at me. "Okay."

I grabbed the piece of shirt covering his shoulder then and pulled him closer into a tight hug. "I love you." I whispered, and he hugged me back.

"You're getting the coffee in the morning. You broke my coffee pot."

_End._


End file.
